take it away, i never had it anyway

After a lot of thinking, I've decided that this year is my year. No one else's. I'm not making decisions based off anyone other than myself. I'm trying new things, getting even more involved, working hard, looking good, and having fun for ME. I want to rekindle my Lauraness. You know, I've always been so sure of who I am, and despite everything, I've never lost sight of that person. I feel like, although I am changing and growing and maturing and transforming, my whole person has been constant. I have never compromised my morals or values for another person, and I never will. I will not become a completely different person in order to live that cliche "college life" (partying all the time, hooking up with people just because, taking the easy road, etc). I'm better than that. And you know what? I feel sorry for those people who don't and may never realize that there is so much more to life than living that way.

And I may be crying right now because it's so hard to see people you know become people you knew, but maybe I realized this a long time ago and just didn't want to believe it because I was too wrapped up in what I thought was a good thing, a great thing even. Maybe what I thought was there, really wasn't there at all. Maybe I went through all the shit I did only because I needed to be reminded later on (now) that who I have been for my entire life is who I'm supposed to be forever. And maybe that means that I'll get hurt a million more times and not deserve that pain every single time, but it also means that I gave everything I could have and I tried, and always got back up. Maybe that's what being strong is all about.

Today is the day I start over. Today is the day of new beginnings.