"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was 'Thank you', that would suffice" -Meister Eckhart

So, I figured that for Thanksgiving today, I'd list everything I'm thankful for. I know this may be so typical, but I don't care. At all. Because sometimes people don't know you're thankful for them, or you yourself don't say it enough. I really hate actually that there is one single day in the entire year that we show our thanks for the things and people we have in our lives. I wish people would appreciate these gifts every single solitary day. But that's a whole 'nother story. So here we go. Here's what I'm thankful for:

My parents, first and foremost. I couldn't be more grateful for them. When I was little, I always told myself I'd never be the kind of parent my parents were to me. Now at 18, I want to be exactly like them. I feel like they raised me the best way a parent should: with the right amount of freedom, strictness, encouragement, and love. They never told me I couldn't do something I love to do, and they have always wanted the best for me. I was lucky enough to be able to pick both the high school and college of my preference. Without the parents that I'm so happy to call my own, I wouldn't be the same Laura I am.

My extended family (and this isn't even all of them). What a family! Even though I call them crazy, I still love them so much. I don't think I've laughed as hard with anyone else than with my family. We've been through the best of times and the worst of times, but they don't matter because we've just been ourselves through everything.

My sisters. Lauren, Brianna, and Bridget. They are my life, honestly. True friends at its finest. They have been the ones who have always been there, no matter what. When everyone walked out on me, there they were. They are loyal, honest, trustworthy, hilarious...everything I look for in a best friend. And although we're at different schools (except for me and Bridget), when we come together after not talking for four weeks, it feels like nothing has changed. I know I'll have them my entire life. Forever? No. FOURever? Yes.

Daniel. There isn't much more I can say about him but I love him. I really do. We have a weird friendship, but I know it will be a lifelong one. Heck, if we've kept each other for almost 5 years considering both our schedules, then we're meant to be friends forever. And we never have to say that we appreciate each other, because it's just a mutual understanding. We just know.

Larry. The boy who taught me how to love again. To open myself back up and let someone in. I didn't think I'd ever get back into that comfort zone with another person again, but he helped me. I feel more and more like myself again whenever I'm with him, which is something I am eternally grateful because I had lost myself for such a long time. Now, slowly but surely, I'm coming back. He genuinely cares about me, looks out for me, pushes me to try, questions me, pushes my buttons, argues with me, puts me before himself, and loves me. Wub<3

St. Hubert's. Going to an all-girls high school was the best decision I've made thus far in my life. Hubert's was my safe place, my second home, for the four most crucial years of my young adulthood. I was surrounded by peers and teachers who brought out the best in me. I regret nothing I've done there; I truly loved every second of it. It helped me develop into a confident, brave, well-rounded, intelligent individual. Becoming women of faith and integrity is Hubert's mission statement, and it succeeded in my formation. Once a bambie, always a bambie.

Kristin. I couldn't have made it through senior year without her, and I'm being completely serious. I think she saved me that year. She understood how broken I was, and she was there every day to give advice, support me, and just listen. She has so much wisdom, and I'm so honored to call her one of my best friends.

Brittany. My first best friend. Still one of my best friends. My childhood centered around my friendship with her. Even though we go 2 months without talking, when we're together, we still act as if we've seen each other the day before. We have watched each other grow up, and have looked out for one another. A friendship that passes the test of time is real.

Adam. I never imagined that after everything we've been through, we'd still come out of it all as friends. He was the first boy I loved, and the first to break my heart. But by breaking it, he strengthened it, even though I suffered every day. I used to question why I continued to do certain things for him, like drive him to work or hang out with him, after we broke up; but I realized it was because I knew I'd always love him, just in a different way. What we had was beautiful, and I don't regret any of it, not even the things we put each other through 6 months after we broke up for good. He taught me so much and I'm so grateful that I can say I'm still good friends with my ex-boyfriend. We still look out for each other, and I know we always will.

"I have no reason to be so miserable" -PostSecret

On my weekly Sunday review of the PostSecret website, I saw a postcard with that secret on it (the one in my title). I felt like someone just jumped out of my computer screen, grabbed me by the collar, and screamed, "TAKE THIS TO HEART AND LISTEN TO ME."

It's not that I'm miserable, because I'm far from it. It's just a lot of the times, I focus on all the bad things in life, instead of looking at the great things that surround me. I guess maybe it's just easier to do that, so that you can throw yourself a pity party sometimes, because you know no one else will. And trust me, I hate it when people throw me pity parties; so I do it myself.

Because I'm a perfectionist, I take it to heart when I don't get something that I had been wanting to achieve. Plain and simple, it makes me feel like a loser. Like a failure even. I was always so used to getting the things I wanted through childhood, grade school, and high school. I was the only child, so everything I had asked my parents for, they gave to me. I don't mean to sound like a snob in any way, it's just the truth. Throughout grade school and high school, I was the all-around student. I got straight As, I was involved in the clubs I loved, I excelled in everything I put my mind to, I had great friends, a perfect social life, and a boyfriend who pushed me even harder than I pushed myself. And even when I didn't get something I had been hoping for, fate never let me be upset for a second because I'd get something even better very quickly. I never had time to be miserable because life was good to me.

Now life just isn't so good to me. But that's only in certain aspects. I always think of that quote "Much of your pain is self-chosen" because I know it applies to me all too well. There are so many fantastic things and people around me. But there are always downsides to them. And it's only because I choose to see them and dwell on them.

I'm going to DeSales, which was my number one choice. I fell in love with the school as soon as I set foot on the campus the first time I visited it. I was told I'd excel here, just as I did in high school. I would get involved, find more great friends, and just be the same girl I had been in high school, but just more mature. I was also told I was a candidate for getting a full-tuition scholarship, which I put all my hope in because I knew that was probably the greatest thing I could do for my parents. I felt it was the only way I'd ever be able to make up for all the things I had done wrong to them.

But now I feel like everything is so wrong here. Don't get me wrong, I still love the school. My classes are great, and I am doing well, but not as well as I did in high school. I made friends, but people just aren't the same as they are in Philadelphia. I ended up not getting that full-ride, which really did disappoint me. I felt like a daughter who fell too short from her and her parents' dreams. I sometimes wonder what would've happened if I had gotten that full-ride to Albright and decided to go there. Would I be happier? Would I actually be in extra curriculars? I don't know.

And this is what gets me most upset, I think. The activities. I was in so much at Hubert's, from day one Freshman year. I loved what I belonged to: the orchestra, chorus, the shows at both Hubert's and Judge, talent show, FACE, National Honor Society, All-Catholic all four years, Kairos, Community Service Corps. I was a Josephine C. Connelly scholarship recipient, and was accepted as a Connelly scholar my senior year, which took $1,000 off my tuition. I worked my butt off in everything, and I triumphed: I graduated number one.

But at DeSales, I'm not in anything. I've tried so hard to be a part of things that I felt would be most important to me. I was declined admission into the Honors Program first. I don't even know why. In my eyes, it's like how could they decline me? The girl who would've been accepted into it in high school, no doubt. And then I see other people who are in it, and I'm just like "Why not me? What makes them better than I? What did I do wrong?" Then, it was SGA when I lost by 2 votes (which probably could have been avoided if another person wasn't so selfish). I had really wanted that. I really did. Especially because Larry was in it, too, and I knew it would've been a perfect opportunity for us to be leaders together in something.

I just feel like a let down to everyone, my parents especially. Who have I become, honestly? I didn't realize I was a leader until my senior year. I never thought of myself as someone who was strong enough to have her voice heard. But I was. Now, I'm just another girl. I feel like I'm hiding in someone else's shadow, and I desperately need to find the light myself.

Maybe I am starting to get back on my feet a little bit, though. I'm hoping I still get that job as a student assistant for Melinda in Admissions, but something will probably go wrong since I'm a notetaker already. I just want to feel like myself again, the girl I was at Hubert's who was the quintessence of what a Bambie should be. I just want, now, to be looked at as one of the many faces of DeSales. And now I just feel like it's too late, even though I'm only a freshman.

I really don't know anymore. I wish I could just start everything all over again.

"I'm everything I am because you loved me" -Celine Dion

My dad. Where can I even begin? From day one, he has been there. He has never let me down, even though I've let him down more times than I want to count. He was the first man I ever loved, and the only one who will never break my heart. I don't even think I could ever find the right words to express how much I truly love, appreciate, and respect my father.

Mostly all of my childhood memories that I cherish most involve him. From going to Disney World and running up to the camera ten times in a row, just to say "Hiiiiiiii"; to always saying "My Daddy" and his replying "My Laura"; to helping him paint our basement; to him telling me to pee in the basement sink when our bathroom was occupied; to my calling his name in the middle of the night as a child, and when my mom would show up, the first thing I'd ask was "Where's Daddy?"; to singing "A Whole New World" with him; and just everything in between.

He has taught me some of the greatest life lessons. Do your best, and if you think it was truly your best, then there is nothing to be disappointed about; Everything happens for a reason; Never stop doing what you love; Be proud of your accomplishments; It's okay to be second best; Stay loyal to your friends; Always be truthful; Trust everyone until they give you a reason not to. There are so many more, but I always feel like those were the most important. Sure, some may be cliche, but honestly, when you really think about them, they are profound. Sometimes we tend to overlook the ones that we've heard all our lives, but we gotta remember to keep our ears open to them because they are crucial to being happy.

Even though sometimes I get annoyed with him, it's times like these when I really think I love my dad the most. Lately, it's been difficult for me to express my feelings to anyone, especially to him. We were never the type of people who would tell each other how much we appreciate each other. But now, when I'm sitting down and just appreciating my relationship with my father, I feel like my younger self, when he and I were the best of friends, and I was his little girl. I'll always be his little girl, that I know for sure.

He is a man that I whole-heartedly respect because he isn't afraid to be human. He knows that he makes mistakes, but he doesn't try to hide them. And although he doesn't apologize most of the time, he recognizes his faults. Last year, I thought I knew that my father regretted a lot of things about his life; however, I found that this totally wasn't the case. “I believe that we all have dreams of doing other things in our lives. Learning to fly a helicopter was always something I wanted to do since I was a child. And moving to Florida was also an option in my life. There is still time for me to make this a reality. If not, I am still content with my life. My family is the most important part of my life. No regrets.”

That's what I love about him. My father, to me, is probably the most genuine person I have ever met. And although we walked in fields of gold before, I know we will again someday. And it's true, I am everything I am because you loved me, Dad.

"After a while, you can get used to anything"

I'm reading this book called The Stranger by Albert Camus. And that line was written, the one I chose as my title. I was going to ignore it at first, but then I just had a creative surge. And my mind started reeling.

Do you really think that after a while, you can get used to anything? I feel like it goes back to the idea that sometimes, you just settle. You settle with where you are in life, who you are with, what you are doing; you stop questioning and wondering and striving to be something more.

I don't think you ever get used to something. I feel like getting used to something is the equivalent of settling. If you're fully content with the things life throws at you, then there's something wrong. I feel like there should always be something you want to achieve; there should never be a time or moment when you want to stop fighting for happiness.

When I read the quote in the book, I immediately thought of how after this long, I still haven't gotten used to my new self. I don't ever think I will, but I hope I will eventually. I hope that at some point, I can start to strive to be again, aspire to be something more.

"We're not 21, but the sooner we are, the sooner the fun will begin" -Chris Carrabba

While I was driving Kristin home yesterday, we talked about life, as always. We somehow always bring up drinking, which I don't mind because stories are fun to tell. But recently, we've both agreed that it has gotten old.

As I was explaining to her yesterday, it just seemed like in high school, drinking was the thing to do. That excitement and anticipation of the upcoming weekend where you knew you were somehow going to have a can in your hand and friends around you. The thrill of possibly getting caught, but knowing that it could never happen. Because when you're seventeen, stuff like that doesn't happen to you. It's all fun and games. It's cool to take these chances. It's cool to fake romances. And grow up fast.

But then you get to college and that excitement is gone. Everyone does it, there's always a party. There is that guarantee that alcohol will be around, with your name on it. And I think that takes all the fun out of it. Sure, there's still that chance of getting caught. But it's not that thrilling, it's just scary and dumb. When your future is at stake, you really don't want to be caught where you're not supposed to be. Plus, it's not like you're around all your friends; you're with maybe three of your closest friends, even though you came with a group of twenty. And everyone else are strangers.

And college night, will draw the crowds. Dorms unload and you're heading out. Here is your moment to shine. So you make sure you have one cup of whatever beer's in the keg, even though you can barely get it down. And they always get the most disgusting and cheapest beer. I mean, sure in high school it was probably the same, but it tasted different. It tasted of rebellion. Now it just tastes like what it is: shitty beer. College is supposed to be all about going to parties and having fun. So why isn't it like that anymore?

I still believe it's just because in high school, we were young and innocent, but not really. We did things behind our parents backs and thought we were invincible. When we didn't get caught, we knew we had another weekend to party. But now in college, we're not hiding from anyone, except the law of course. But still, our parents are at home; they don't know what we're doing. We don't have to come home to them, walking through our front door completely drunk, yet still trying to act like we're 100% sober. I just think that maybe we rushed everything and now we have nothing to look forward to. But high school drinking, in my opinion, was so much more fun and exciting than it is now.

"I trust everyone. I just don't trust the devil inside them." -The Italian Job

For a long time, I pondered about trust. When asked "Do you have trust issues?", I would never know how to respond. I wasn't the kind of person who had a tough time trusting others, but at the same time, I didn't know if I trusted others at all. I was kind of just stuck in the middle, trying to figure out my 'trust conundrum'.

Then today it kind of just hit me. My trust theory is the one my dad has been telling me since I was seven: I trust people until they give me a reason not to. Why hadn't it hit me earlier? I've been hearing that my whole life basically. Now, I finally have my answer. I trust people as long as they let me. Once they give me a reason not to, I don't. And then they have to regain that trust back again, which takes a long time.

I found that quote from a great movie, The Italian Job. I feel like that suits my situation/epiphany well.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world" -Gandhi

First post, fun. I decided to make one of these just because a fresh new blog is always needed once in a while.

So right now, I'm listening to "A Day Late" by Anberlin. And it just kind of makes me think of how fast things change. Now we both have separate lives and lovers. Insignificantly enough, we both have significant others. How did things change so fast? I feel like a year ago, things were completely different. In merely 365 days (well a little more than that actually), my life was flipped upside down & inside out. Friendships and relationships both ended and started. Carefree became careless. Only time will tell. Time will turn and tell.

I wonder when things will become un-broken again. When things will actually fall into place. I think it has just started, but I can never be sure. Life's funny, and change... well, we all know that it's inevitable. I don't need to be the one to tell you that, because we've heard it all before. But sometimes when I stop and really think about it, change can really screw you over. Don't get me wrong, change can be beautiful, but it can also hide behind a facade. Sometimes, it's just plain ugly.

But thoughts they change and times they rearrange. Something to contemplate for the night, I guess. Not my best, but it's the first, so cut me some slack.